I have a friend that I have not really been checking on. We talk once in a while and I try to make up for all we have lost touch with; gossips and a troubled economy and what we could do to live one day at a time cheerily.
I try to find out about school and challenges – how what matters in a Nigerian institution is the friendship one maintains in school as the university allows you the opportunity of meeting amazing people in their raw and untapped states. And while one needs to grab a skill to keep a sane mind. I try to share laughter with her and I ask about her parents and some personal projects we had discussed.
I have on occasions designed programmes for my friend and shared more than just smiles and mockery for whatever we felt needed a splash of un-seriousness. We had become like siblings but with feelings – defined and undefined. We spoke few weeks ago. The call was not clear. I meant to return the call but got busy and that was the last time we chatted as friends.
I checked on this friend few days ago and discovered that I had been un-friend-ed. It was unbelievable. This was my close-friend. I could not imagine it – how it was so easy to tap the un-friend button – without prior confrontation for whatever I could have done wrongly.
I un-friend people but I sometimes wait for a year or months. When I see that we do not share much in common anymore, I let go. I dialled the phone line of my friend and we spoke. I opened up about my discovery and she gave me a familiar lie, that her account had issues. She later agreed that I was un-friend-ed on purpose when I insisted. I made her understand that for friends, you may have to confront them when they do you wrong. Speak to them and ask for explanations. It is better to meet them than assume they’d know what wrong they have done. For acquaintances, you can let them go. You don’t owe them. But for those with which memories have been made, they are not un-friended even though the internet says so.
My friend did not have much to say for she had let emotion becloud everything. I had been fair with my conscience, I told her. She must have been angry over something but she could have done better by discussing it. I could be annoying but I could be fragile too. And sometimes my crazy acts are never intended to hurt anyone.
When close people let you go, you try to see how heavy a burden you have become over time – you re-examine your life. You try to weigh your situations and that of others, people whose baggage have been enormous yet they have been taken along and not thrown out. You try to understand why friendship and shared laughter and memories can’t help your friends see why they may need to speak with you again and carry you even when your legs are broken and you cannot stand anymore. Subtle rejections such that happen on social media reignites such places of memories as to find out if truly human friendship is worth much.
Friendship is worth much. It should be taken seriously. And adults should confront their fears. Adults should try to know what they had done wrong and what can be put right. To err is human and to understand humanity and its flaws is where humanity can blur the thin line between divinity and super human.